Knowing

I think I mentioned before that kids can be (and often are) cruel to kids who are "different". I don't mean skin or eye color either. You know, the kid who stutters or walks funny, or isn't good at sports or has the imaginary friend. Maybe you were one of them. Different in some way. As adults, we realize that it's okay to be different. As kids, we either feel the pain of being different, or we conform and ostracize the other "different" kids. I never was one to conform, and I was kind, but I was very different. I could give a list, perhaps several feet long as to why I was "different" but it doesn't really matter. I was who I was, and as a woman who will soon be 50, I am who I am. Nobody has really "changed" me. Situations have, but not people, and certainly not the ones who tried to get me to conform. It wasn't in the cards...

From a very young age, I knew I was different. Nobody had to tell me. You compare yourself to others, and you know these things. Most of my friends had siblings who were close in age. I was surrounded by adults. I learned adult things. I could carry on a conversation much easier with adults than with my peers. That's just one example. To quote Thoreau:  "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away." We all know what that means. I never was much of one for just stepping. I dance, and I dance wildly. Family and close friends know this about me. Sure, there's still those who would prefer that I conformed, or who would deny knowing me, but I am 100% me. Crazy dancing and all. I refuse to march to your drumbeat, because I like mine better, and mine is LOUDER. That isn't to say that I don't or won't follow rules or show proper respect to authority, it just means that your position in life means very little to me. I'll treat you the same, whether you're a CEO or someone who scrubs floors. Treat me well, and I'll treat you well. Mistreat me and treat me like crap, and I'll appear to treat you well, but inside I'll be seething with anger, or maybe I'll just ignore you. It really depends on how I feel on any given day. I like most people. I treat them well.

It's one think to know you're different, and another thing altogether to realize that others know you're different. The ones who know either treat you like crap or give you respect and stay a fair distance away. If you're lucky, a few will venture closer and others won't care at all or treat you any differently. I prefer the latter. I want to be treated just the same as everyone else. It's a need I have deep within me. I don't look any different than anyone else. I have no visible physical anomaly.  I even have people around me who have no idea that my mindset isn't the same as theirs. People who were adults and knew me when I was a child never quite know how to approach me. I'm often either treated like I'm still the child they knew or I'm given lots of breathing room. I'm not stupid. I'm a college graduate that has worked in the medical field. I was in the USAF, I am a mother of 5, grandmother to one. I've been in positions of authority, and I did quite well. I've advised  and continued to advise others in the same positions how to do the job and where to get help. I've even helped them and done things to make their job easier. I can be antisocial at times, but the more a person gets to know me, the easier it is for them to get past that antisocial part.

I guess that, in a nutshell, I know I'm different, and you might suspect I'm different but different doesn't mean stupid or dangerous. Different is just different and don't try to force changes down my throat. THE END