This Isn't My First Rodeo

One of my favorite phrases to use when things get tough is "This isn't my first rodeo." I've had a lifetime of tough things, and that phrase has served me well.

Well, I have a secret... This isn't my first rodeo, and I'm scared. Most times I'm scared, I just don't say it. Sometimes, the more you know, the scarier it is. I've even played the "What if" game over the years with this particular rodeo, and, while my answers have changed, my fears of what's on the other side have only grown larger, and I can't make decisions until I have all the answers, and waiting is hard. I don't want sympathy, and I can't answer questions. I'm just stuck waiting again.

Later today (Saturday) I will be removing my nipple piercings for the very last time. It might not seem like much to most people, but you need to see it from my point of view. Right after my 46th birthday, I had both nipples pierced at 12g. I Loved them, and not long after getting them pierced, my nipples became larger and thicker. It was an unexpected and pleasant surprise for me. I decided to stretch my nipple piercings to a larger size, and I currently have them at 2g. It took a long time and lots of patience to do this, and I Love them.

So, why after 6 years am I removing them permanently? These were my first major piercings, and I vowed to never remove them. Well, blame it on the rodeo. Nearly 11 years ago, my boyfriend at the time discovered a lump in my left breast. While it wasn’t cancer, the lump was removed, and I’ve been cautious ever since. I’ve had several other lumps since then, and more than one diagnostic test.

 

My first argument in favor of removing the jewelry could be the pain involved with the sonogram, or even the fact that the jewelry blocks the Radiologist’s view of my breast, but the truth is, I think my luck has run out. My nipple looks strange, and is “puckering” and even though that’s not a definite sign of breast cancer, it’s just to the point that I’m tired of worrying, and, honestly, my nipples have been painful lately, and I figure if the piercings are gone, they’ll hurt less.

So, when will I know? I’m not exactly sure, but when I know, I’ll write it here. Now, it’s way past my bedtime, and I have a funeral at 10 in the morning. Goodnight!