The dread, the anxiety, the wanting to stay in bed all day... Feeling the heaviness creep up on me was getting to be a bit much. Sure, I faked it as long as I could, but the icy cold grip of SAD finally got me and I just couldn't pretend anymore. When I went to see the doctor for my February appointment nearly two weeks ago, I told him I was just tired of trying and pretending and that I was opening that bottle of medication that was staring me in the face and taking it as prescribed. He was almost surprised at it, partly because he knows I hate taking medication, and partly because I was so enthusiastic when I entered his office. I admit, I was happy to see him, but the SAD had me in it's grip and the only reason I wasn't so bad is because the weather was good that day. I feel a little better but it takes a minimum of two weeks before I am at least partially functional. I postponed attending any events that I didn't need to attend and stayed home instead.
It's not all bad. We celebrated one year since mom had her cancer surgery. She's gotten quite a bit slower lately, but she looks good and her attitude is usually positive. I attended a small convention/conference in late January, and I met all sorts of really nice people and I learned all kinds of new things. Now that I'm starting to feel a little better, I plan on seeing a few of them again soon. I'm taking things slowly though, because I'd like to avoid a rebound.
Speaking of rebounds, my PTSD came back a couple of days ago. An unpleasant turn of events managed to trigger it, but fortunately, a friend of mine noticed and has taken me away for a couple of days to relax. Cuddles, watching old movies, good food and a change of scenery including a bonfire and watching her friends play a game called beer pong put a smile on my face. I don't drink. I just observed. We have strawberries and I will make crepes in the mid-morning and I think there will be more cuddles and movies to keep me occupied. So yeah, good stuff and bad stuff but mostly good stuff because I have the people and things I need to get me through the rough stuff. Ax far as how long I'll be away, I'm not sure, but I hope it'll be at least till Wednesday or Thursday. Let someone else take care of the hard stuff for a while.
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