For the past 20
years or so, but mostly in the last 15, I’ve felt like I was slowly going
crazy. I come across as being of at least normal intelligence (being modest
here) until I open my mouth. No, I’m not that bad, but I will try to
explain. I cannot remember names. Even worse, I frequently call things by the
wrong names. A good example of that is about 2 days ago, I asked Stitch to get
my clothes out of the oven. The word I needed, and couldn’t remember, was
“washer”, I didn’t struggle when I said “oven”, but I knew I used the wrong
name right after I said it. I’ve called the kitchen the garage, the garage the
bedroom etc. Ad nauseam. I cannot remember
the names of people either. Normally, it’s not a problem, and I can wing it,
but imagine my horror last month when I had out of town guests to introduce and
couldn’t remember Shilo’s name! He’s my husband! I just kept talking,
struggling to remember his name, so I could introduce him to them. Finally, he
picked up on my discomfort and introduced himself.
Sometimes, I just
feel like crying or want to die of embarrassment over it. People don’t
understand because I don’t look or act impaired, and there have been times when
I wished I looked or acted “different” so people wouldn’t judge
me so harshly. On really bad days, I avoid speaking to anyone but Shilo or
Stitch because the stress of having to remember a person’s name is too much for
me. I ignore people at parties so I don’t have to struggle to remember their
name. It can be a very isolating experience. When it comes to writing or public
speaking, I manage to look polished because I can “look up” a word, or even ask
someone at home what the word I want is. Once I’ve written it down, all I have
to do is read it, and nobody knows that I’m unable to remember the name of the
thing I drive (car) or the thing that water comes out of (faucet) or the name
of the place I cook dinner (kitchen) or even my home address. I can’t even
remember the name of the disorder, but I wrote it down earlier. It’s called
Anomic Aphasia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomic_aphasia). I have what I
would consider a mild case, because most of the time, I remember and can say
the correct words of things, but places and names are a constant thorn in my
side.
Please understand.
This is not a pity party. This is me sharing and explaining why I am the way I
am. It’s me asking that you laugh with me and at me when the wrong words come
out, and, instead of correcting me if you know what I meant to say, just act
like I said the correct word. Trust me, I know when I’ve used the
wrong word, so there’s really no need to embarrass me further unless you’re
just petty and/or cruel. Also, in the remote possibility that I made no sense
at all to you, politely ask me to repeat myself. I won’t be angry or offended
if you say you didn’t understand me. All I ask for is a little kindness. Thank
you.
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